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 JOKES EVERYONE!!!

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The Tankinator
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Posts : 102
Join date : 2009-04-30
Age : 22
Location : in a house

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Level:
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Race: Marine

PostSubject: JOKES EVERYONE!!!   Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:51 am

Hey everybody! Here is the Joke topic, here you can post jokes that you think is hilarious or ones that you have either made up or found but what ever. I shall start! BWAHAHAHA

My missus asked for a surprise birthday present. So I replaced one of her tampons with a party popper.

Why is Mr T. against the BP oil spill?
Because he pitties the fuel.

A man turns up at a fancy dress party with a woman strapped to his back.
"Think you've got the wrong party - this is a fancy dress, mate" says the host.
"I know that," replies the man, "I've come as a snail."
"So why is there a woman strapped on your back?" asks the host.
"That's Michelle."

After a meal out, my friend asked if I wanted to "go dutch"? So I tripped him up, kicked him in the chest and then went home crying.

Not only has Jonathon Ross left the BBC for ITV, he's now been caught stealing a kitchen utensil from a supermarket. He said it was a whisk he was willing to take.

A man has an appointment with his doctor. "You really need to stop masturbating" The doctor tells him
"Why?" the man asks.
"Because I'm trying to examine you!" Replies the doctor.

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
Tell them you can't cum.

I am heavy weapons guy, and this is my weapon. It is 8.2 inches long and uses a dr pepper fueling system and has a fire rate of 800 pelvic thrusts per minute. It costs $400'000 to have sex, for 12 seconds.

I told my mate I hated my new job. "Why? What are you doing now?" he asks.
"Sellfridges," I said
"That's not too bad" he said. "I've seen some nice girls in there and I bet you make a killing on commission."
"No. I sell fridges."

A wife is cooking eggs in the kitchen, when she turns to her husband and demands sex right away.
Without delay, he screws her on the table. "What was all that about?" he asks, a few minutes later.
"The egg timer has broken."

How do you get a drug addict into bed? With e's.

"iPad is thin, iPad is beautiful." That bloody advert prompted my laptop to develop an eating disorder. It hasm't had a byte since.

A german dwarf visits a prostitute. Just before they start, he puts a big spring on each elbow and knee, then shags her all night, non-stop.
"How did you manage that?" the prostitute asks breathlessly.
"It's my foursprung dwarf technique."

Bookies are offering odds of 5000-1 on Blackpool winning the Premier League. So if you put just £10 on them, you will lose £10.

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